We recently attended a memorial service for our dear friend Joe Matta. It was wonderful to be there with his family and friends. We shared stories, we laughed, and we cried. Here are a few recollections of our friendship.
Our Friendship Started with a Fight
I had just joined the staff of Youth With A Mission Los Angeles. There were about sixty of us living on the YWAM campus in Lakeview Terrace. Joe and Kay had joined a year earlier, and to be honest, they weren’t really on my radar. (A certain Kay Charlotte was perhaps getting more of my time and attention, haha!)
One afternoon, as I came out of my dorm, (Trailer 1), Joe was passing by… He said something along the lines of, “I’ve got a bone to pick with you.” I’m not sure if he actually did it, but my memory includes him shaking a finger at me. I do know that he pointed to my window and said, “I don’t appreciate you using YWAM property for your own benefit.” He was referring to the box fan propped up in my window. Being the “money guy”, Joe knew that YWAM had just purchased a half dozen fans like this, and he assumed the one in my window was one of them.
Now I’m not a fighter. (More of a lover, ha!). And as a good Minnesotan, I’m trained to be nice. And therefore I tend to avoid confrontation. So Joe, who seemed like a gruff guy to me, shaking his finger and accusing me was a little overwhelming. I’m pretty sure I sputtered a bit before I found my voice.
What Joe didn’t know, was that I was the guy who had gone and purchased the fans for the base. And while there in Home Depot, I decided to buy an extra one, with my own money, to put in my window. I don’t remember if I actually produced the receipt, but I like to think that I did. To his credit, when I told Joe that the fan was mine, he apologized and we got to talking about living in community, stewardship, and making sure that we didn’t take advantage of the mission.
Okay, so maybe that wasn’t much of a fight for a guy from Pennsylvania. But for me, the conflict felt real. I think we both learned that there was a surprising common ground between us. I learned that Joe loved integrity and honesty, and that he’d look out for the interests of the mission. And I learned that he wouldn’t hesitate to confront, nor would he hesitate to apologize.
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‘Adopted’
For whatever reason, the Matta’s took us under their wings. As our friendship grew, they became like extra parents for us. We were coworkers of course. And we were neighbors. But we became more than friends; it was like family. All of us were far away from our families, yet somehow, God enabled us to create a kind of family love together. I suppose this is what the Apostle John is talking about when he said, “Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God… if we love one another, God lives in us. His love is made complete in us.”
Joe and Kay regularly invited Kay Charlotte and I over for dinners. They had built a wonderful screened in porch on the back of Trailer 15. It added a couple hundred square feet and was a great place to eat and talk. I’m sure it was there that we heard Joe’s famous 3-step advice for fighting fair with your spouse:
Get two chairs and set them facing towards each other close enough together so your knees will touch when seated
Remove all clothing
If you still want to fight, schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor!
We four would often go for pizza at Chichi’s in Santa Clarita. We always ordered a large salami and sausage, an antipasto salad, and a pitcher of beer. It was like a double date, even though our friends were a few decades our senior. Our dinners were filled with animated conversation. Maybe it’s his East Coast upbringing, or maybe it was just Joe, but he had an opinion on everything and wasn’t shy about sharing it. There was a sort of Joe-Way for doing life. And doggone it, Joe’s way turned out to be the right way most of the time.
They’d take daily walks. They’d hold hands. They were there for one another. Watching them we learned about how to be fiercely loyal to one another.
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We Followed them to San Diego
When Joe and Kay moved south to YWAM San Diego in the Fall of 1995, we were sad to see them go. We knew we’d see them regularly, but it was still hard. And when opportunity came for Kay Charlotte and I to move to YWAM San Diego in 1996, a big plus for us was that the Mattas were already there. They found an apartment for us and had it ready for our arrival. We’d carpool to the YWAM office, and inevitably Rush Limbaugh was on Joe’s radio. I don’t know if he ever called in, but his views were definitely conservative.
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Crossing the Border
Crossing the border with Joe was always fun. In the early days, before the SENTRI program (a kind of pre-approved fast pass), a short border crossing would be 20-30 minutes. A long one could be four hours. In that time, Joe would be analyzing the patterns and trying to figure out the system. He was competitive. And so he would ‘mark’ a car near him and then he’d try to beat them to the border gate. This slow-motion ‘race’ involved changing lanes, and positioning his car for those places where one lane split into two. He was observant and often found a way to come in first.
I recall him conducting a ‘survey’ of the border guards. On one of our waits at the border we talked about how bad it must be for the guards at the gates to be breathing in all the exhaust fumes all day long. Joe had a theory that as a result, border guards would have more daughters than sons… And time and time again, after the guard would check our IDs and ask us questions, Joe would ask, “Hey, how many kids do you have?” Followed by, “Boys or girls?” I don’t think he ever built a spreadsheet on the answers, but he did have his theory!
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An Excel Mentor
Listen, I got a degree in English. At university, the two math courses I took were called, “The Language of Maps”, and “Astronomy for the Non-Mathematically Minded”. I knew what Microsoft Word was for, (for those that know, v. 5.1 was the pinnacle). But for the life of me I had no idea what Excel was for… Enter Joe Matta. My job required me to purchase lots of parts, assemble them into kits, and ship them out to our partners around the country, (and some overseas too). I did my best to keep track of things, but boy oh boy was this a challenge for a guy who spent his college years reading everything Shakespeare ever wrote. Joe showed me what a spreadsheet was for and how it could make my job easier. And when he hit the ∑ button and the machine did the math for me, my jaw dropped! From there it was lessons on creating simple budgets, and even tips on how to work with our vendors. Without this foundational knowledge I would have been over budget and burned out — Thank you Joe for imparting your wisdom.
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Next Door Neighbors
In 2000 we bought the house next door to Joe and Kay. We’d been looking for months and the market was crazy. Prices were rising and soon they’d be out of our short reach. When Joe saw his neighbor putting up a sign in his yard he said, “I’ve got a buyer for you. Young couple with a baby — your place will be perfect for them. Put that sign back in your garage and gimme 24 hours.” Who does that? Joe Matta does! And sure enough, after a few twists, turns, and dramatic ups and downs, we did buy the house. Joe was right there every step, explaining the process, showing us what to worry about and what not to worry about. He sat with us as we paged through the miles of paperwork with the dense text that seemed like it was in Greek. And he told us to take a good hard look at that amortization schedule that showed just how much interest we’d pay over the life of the loan. Gulp!
Having Joe and Kay for neighbors was pretty fantastic. We barbecued together. They loaned us tools. They helped with projects. They loved on our kids. And while it was impossible to keep up with Joe in making the lawn look nice, he never complained about mine… too loudly.
One evening, when our son Levi was still a little guy, we had a little mishap. We were playing worship music and jumping around the living room. Levi took a surprisingly big leap off the couch and landed on all fours and came up screaming. He had broken his arm midway between elbow and wrist. It looked bad. Within a minute or two Joe was there. While we calmed Levi down, Joe whipped up a splint with a handkerchief and one of Levi’s toy drumsticks. I suppose we would have done fine in that situation, but it sure was nice to have Joe Matta next door.
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The Day the FBI Came for a Visit
It must have been sometime around 2002 — definitely after 9/11. After the Al Qaeda attacks, the US Government began to scrutinize more closely any money leaving the country. As you know, YWAM builds quite a number of homes in Mexico each year. And this means we send quite a number of US dollars over the border to purchase lumber and other supplies. Apparently our activity was enough for us to get a visit from the FBI.
Now before you think ‘SWAT Team’ or ‘Police Raid’, this was a very peaceful encounter, haha! Two agents from the local FBI office walked into our small reception area in National City they identified themselves and asked to talk to our CFO or equivalent. This of course, was Joe Matta.
The agents were fantastic and not antagonistic at all. They said something along the lines of, “We are pretty confident that we’ve got a good idea of what Youth With A Mission does here, but would you help us understand your business?” You should have seen Joe’s eyes light up. He said, “Thank you for coming agents, how much time do you have?” They got the full guided tour of our offices. Joe introduced each of us to the agents. And he showed them our warehouse full of building supplies and donations for our Homes of Hope ministry. For the next two hours, Joe told story after story of what we were doing. The agents were satisfied that we were on the up and up. When they asked Joe, “Do you have any questions for us?” Joe laughed and said, “How many agents are in your office, and when can we get you all down to Mexico so we can build a house together?”
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They Day We Were Robbed and the Cops Thought Joe’s Desk Had Been Ransacked
Shortly after we moved into our offices on West 35th, (and the night before the security system was scheduled to be installed), someone broke into our offices and stole a bunch of our equipment. It was heartbreaking to walk through the broken door, enter my office and see that my brand new computer, monitor, mouse, keyboard and other things were gone. Papers were scattered on the carpet, desk drawers were left open, and my chair was tipped over. All four of the ground floor offices looked the same. Thankfully, it didn’t look like they went upstairs. The accounting office was untouched — the safe was safe. Sean’s office, Kay’s office, and Joe’s office all looked the same.
When the police officer arrived, he had us walk through each space. We made a list of the things we knew for sure was stolen. When we took the officer to the upstairs offices, he poked his head in each one and asked the same question, “Anything missing here?” When he got to Joe’s office he said, “Whoa — it looks like they ransacked this one! Any idea what they may have been looking for in here?” We all busted a gut laughing and told him, “Oh no, this is how this office always looks! And we’re pretty sure that no thief would be able to find anything in here anyway!”
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The Time We Cleaned Joe’s Desk While He Was on Vacation
I don’t remember where they went, but when Joe and Kay were out of the office for a few days, we decided to bless them. Kay Charlotte, myself, and a couple of others went through Joe and Kay’s offices and vacuumed the carpets, dusted the blinds, washed the windows and tidied up their desks. Joe’s desk, of course, took some extra effort. He typically kept stacks of folders, piles of receipts, and who knows what else on his desk. And on his credenza. And there were a few file boxes and other things stacked in the corner. I think we must have spent more than half the day organizing, straightening and rearranging. We had started out to do a quick clean and polish became a full on deep clean and organize. When we stood back and looked at what we’d done, we felt proud that we had created a semblance of order out of what was chaos. We couldn’t wait for the Mattas to return to enjoy this little blessing.
I don’t really recall what Kay thought of what we did for her space. I assume that she was grateful for us thinking of her and cleaning up a bit. Joe however was stunned. I have rarely seen Joe speechless. At first, I thought he may be overwhelmed with gratitude, knowing how much time it must have taken us to tidy his space. I’m pretty sure in that moment of awkward silence as he stood in the doorway, that Kay Charlotte started showing him how she had organized things for him so he’d know where to look for what. I don’t remember what he said, and it certainly wasn’t unkind. But I think now, that his silence was the way Joe was keeping control of his tongue. I’m pretty sure he wanted to say, “How dare you!” Haha!
It turns out that we were unaware that Joe’s messy desk was not simply piles of stuff. It was a carefully curated, spatially organized, archeological filing system. Joe knew where stuff was on his desk, and he knew approximately how deep to dig for it too. And all this tidying had undone months of careful placement, haha! I’m pretty sure he ‘thanked’ us for trying to bless him, but we definitely got the message that he didn’t feel exactly blessed, haha!
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Passing It On
Years later, long after Joe and Kay had moved up to Newberry Park to be near Joey, Sue, and grandson Ryan, we four got together for pizza. You guessed it, we ordered a large salami and sausage, antipasto salad, and a pitcher of beer. (Also, did you know, if you get too much foam at the top of your beer, just lick your finger, stick it through the foam and slowly stir — it will subside more quickly than if you left it alone. This is another tried and true Joe Matta move.) Over dinner I got to say to Joe, “You’ve made a disciple Joe.” I told him that we’d been ‘adopting’ people too. We had taken in college students, invited them to not just live with us, but to also “come to the table” and be like family with us. This was the example that Joe and Kay showed us, and we’ve be blessed by doing the same.